Day 331, more insights

Conservative and Progressive Views about Divorce and Remarriage Like many of you, there are many of my family and friends who have gotten divorced and remarried. Because I love them, I want to attend, but should I? When I was in my teenage years, someone in my church told me divorce and remarriage were wrong. This has repeatedly driven me to search for what the Bible has to say about this topic. I have studied this in depth about seven times, just to be sure I wasn’t missing something (like a loophole). But to be faithful to God, I had to separate my own feelings from what he had to say and not cherry pick his Word. I welcome you to join me in this study. If you have additional insights on this, email me. I have discovered church leaders and theologians basically hold one of two views about divorce and remarriage in the Bible. I’ll call them the conservative and progressive view. Conservative View of Divorce and Remarriage These are Jesus’ words as recorded in Matthew 19:3-11; Mark 10:2-12; and Luke 16:18. How would you interpret them if you took them at face value? See my answer here. Let’s unpack this. Divorce was never in God’s plan God wants us to stay married and work out our differences. Jesus said from the beginning God made them male and female, and what God has joined together, let not man (or woman) separate. That includes us. Men and women are to remain married, but if they were to divorce, Jesus says not to remarry because that would be adultery. How so? Marriage is a lifelong covenant in God’s eyes. We promised before witnesses, whether large or small and before God, that we would love and cherish our mate until “death do us part.” That is a vow, and God takes vows seriously. What about the exception clause, “except for fornication?” Fornication means sexual sin before or after marriage. It is a general term but refers to physical acts. It is only because the Israelites resisted God’s plan that Moses allowed this exception. Things were out of control in his day. Men were divorcing their wives for any reason, leaving their wives and families destitute. But from the beginning, it was not so. A divorce is an act of violence against the family. It causes the fracturing or dissolving of families, assets, and other relationships. We should guard our spirits (our attitudes), so this is less likely to happen (Malachi 2:15-16). The only exception for dissolving the marriage in Moses’ day was physical marital infidelity. Does God want us to remain in an abusive relationship? He doesn’t want us to abandon the relationship. Instead, in 1 Corinthians 7:10-17 the Apostle Paul allows for a temporary separation to work out the problems. Most of the time, if there is a willingness of husband and wife to seek biblical marriage counseling, a couple can resolve their marriage problems. If one mate seeks Biblical counseling and changes her life, she can soften her spouse’s spirit and make him want to change. Why does God want us to stay together? Some will say to Jesus, “but you don’t understand my circumstances. Why, Jesus, did you tell me this?” For those unhappy in their marriages or who have already divorced, this seems unfair and condemning. That’s not Jesus’ intent. His intent is to make us holy and happy. The Lord wants us to work for genuine unity, consideration, and love in our marriage. Paul would later write to the Ephesian church that marriage is a picture of our relationship to Christ (Ephesians 5:21-33). Does 1 Corinthians 7 provide a legitimate exit from marriage? Since Jesus said to divorce and remarry is committing adultery, it seems unlikely the Apostle Paul would contradict the Lord. To whom then would 1Corinthians 7:1-2, 8-9 refer if we couple them with the following verses, 10-14? See my answer here. What about 1Corinthians 7:15? Doesn’t that allow for divorce and remarriage? Paul says if a mate abandons his spouse, he or she is not bound. What do you think this means? Does it imply anything different from the surrounding context? See my answer here. What does God say about keeping our vows? Deuteronomy 23:21-23; Ecclesiastes 5:6-8; Matthew 5:37 See my answer here What if you have already divorced and remarried? Is there forgiveness? Does God just overlook it? 1 John 1:9 gives us the answer here. How do you think it applies?   My answer. Paul’s instructions in Ephesians 5 and the Apostle Peter’s encouragement (1Peter 3:1-7) give us excellent marital advice. What does he say? Progressive View of Divorce and Remarriage The progressive view downplays Jesus’ teaching of divorce and remarriage. Some even assert that Jesus was speaking in hyperbole, as he sometimes did. Jesus was exaggerating. He really didn’t mean that if we divorce and remarry, we would commit adultery. My question and perhaps yours is, how do we know that? We don’t. Interpreting 1 Corinthians 7 Those who take the progressive view interpret the unmarried in 1Corinthians 7:1-2, 8-9 to include those who have been divorced. The thinking is, after Jesus returned to heaven, the Holy Spirit inspired Paul to write this passage to bring more compassion to those who are divorced. So, the Lord isn’t compassionate? Really? He is the shepherd or our souls. He seeks and finds us, feeds us, heals us, and gently leads us. If Paul’s instructions were to make Jesus’ words more compassionate, why did the Apostle Paul write these things to the Roman followers of Christ? He wrote them about the same time as his letter to the Corinthian believers. This is what he said: Do you not know, brothers—for I am speaking to men who know the law—that the law has authority over a man only as long as he lives? For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she marries another man. (Romans 7:1-3, NIV) The 1 Corinthians 7:15 clause The clause in 1Corinthians 7:15 says, “But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances.” The progressives interpret this clause to mean that if you have a spouse that abandons you, you may remarry. However, this view is not exclusive to a situation of abandonment; they say it also implies divorce, so they allow remarriage in those circumstances. Is this what Paul meant? Read the context of 1 Corinthians 7:1-17 and summarize what he is saying. What does he say? See the answer here. History of the Progressive View Interestingly, the progressive view seems to have gained popularity in the 1970s. This was after divorces surged from post-WWII, ever-increasing until it finally peaked in 1980. This alternative interpretation may have been a move to be more compassionate to people in the pews who experienced the tragedy of divorce. In 1980, America’s divorce rate climaxed at fifty-six percent. In 2002, the church of England officially endorsed this view for Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s wedding since she had been divorced. Now, preachers rarely proclaim or teach the conservative view. What do you think? Which is the right view? And, how can we act with compassion to those who have suffered this tragedy? They are just as important in God’s eyes as anyone else. Personal Experience Like many of you, as a child, I knew the tragedy of divorce. The wounds from that healed a long time ago. Then, as an adult, after thirty happy years of marriage, my wife got depression. That grievous experience lasted for the next four years. We had a desperate time keeping our marriage together, but, with earnest prayer, the Lord’s help, perseverance, and taking proactive steps, we persevered and God brought healing and restoration. You can read about our story on my blog. The point is, constant attention to serving your mate with kind words, deeds, and being there for her, you may save and restore your marriage. Reply here if you have comments, additional insights, or want prayer. Thank you. National Bureau of Economic Research, March 2007

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re-edited 11-28-21

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